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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?