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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {